Transformative Communication: Insights from Sifu Rafael

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:00:56

Hello, everybody, and welcome to the Unstoppable Leadership Spotlight podcast. I am your host, Jaclyn Strominger, a high achievement and success coach.

And I am so excited to have today as our special guest, Sifu Raphael, who is. Well, first of all, he's absolutely amazing. He and I have met before, but he is the creator and.

And the brains behind speaking prowess, which is all about major communication, which is really what we all need in leadership. It's actually one of those biggest parts of my l which is leveraging communication. I am so grateful to have you on the show today. So welcome, Sifu.

Oh, my God. First of all, we always have such a great conversation, and I was so excited to have you on the show because you are a true great leader.

So to get people started and to get them, you know, share a little bit about you and your journey into leadership.

Sifu Rafael: 00:01:57

Thank you so much. I really thank you so much, Jaclyn for allowing me to be on your show.

And yes, we do have great conversations, and we've got to become a little bit. I think we're friends, right?

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:02:09

Yes. We can call ourselves friends. I hope we can call ourselves friends.

Sifu Rafael: 00:02:14

So I think leadership comes from understanding that it's not about you, it's about others and. And how do we lead them? But the most important is how do we lead us first so that we can be there for them? So for me, leadership is about me.

It always starts with me. It's a little bit selfish. I'm going to agree. But if I couldn't take care of me, how can I help you? I can't help you. So I come first. Right.

As a leader, I need to know how I'm going to lead. What is my first thing that I do in the morning? What is the second thing? Third, fourth, fifth?

And so that I can come in fully energized to be able to lead others. I just. I'm not just about leading others. I'm looking to create leaders in others.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:03:11

Right. So you just said some amazing, great things. But you talked about the prep. Right, the day prep.

Like we have to prep ourselves in the right way to start the day.

Sifu Rafael: 00:03:24

Yes.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:03:25

You know. Right. And so I like to call it bookending our days, but prepping is really key. So what.

What brought you to that knowledge of basically knowing that you had to lead yourself before you could leave? Lead others.

Sifu Rafael: 00:03:46

It's. It's very interesting because it actually started. I'm going to go quickly on this one.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:03:53

Yeah.

Sifu Rafael: 00:03:54

When I lost the ability to walk because no one else can do it for me. And I was probably around 3 years old, so I contracted polio. And no matter what anyone else did, it had to be me who made myself do the work.

I had to believe in me first. Even though there was other people saying you could do it, whatever. But that was not enough. I needed to do it.

I needed to believe in me so that anyone who was helping me, they were doing their part. But if I would have just quit on myself, I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have been able to walk. Eventually, I got out of braces.

I wore braces like Forrest Gump. And eventually I was able to run. I was one of the fastest kids on my block because I. I found that the work I did in me was amazing.

And I got addicted to continually work on my legs, to continually work on my spirit, to move forward. So that's where that energy grew, where I knew if I didn't do it as much as everybody wanted me to do the right thing, it wasn't them, it was me.

They were just there supporting me along the way.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:05:31

That was a very young age for you to get that knowledge. And that had to be, I mean, you know, I guess, you know, we rise up from adversity, right?

So when you take that knowledge and that learning, how did you then, you know, I mean, it's. We know, you know, you have it inside of you to do that, but where do you think it came from? I mean, like that drive.

I mean, like you wanted to do better. Not everybody has that drive.

Sifu Rafael: 00:06:07

Yeah, I think some people may. May frown about what I'm about to say, but I think it all came from God. Right? And if. If you believe in God, then you know that he.

He downloaded my action plans, and he still does it today. This morning I asked God to download my action plans for today. So today I can be better than I was yesterday.

Because yesterday I can't live that anymore. I already did it. Right? So every day I ask God to give me the download so that today can be the best day.

But yet tomorrow I know I'm going to ask for another download. So in order for me to be able to continue with that, it was the drive to understand that I lost the ability to do something.

And the power that was given to me to be able to reclaim it was contagious, Right. I needed to do it every day. I need to ask for that energy, that power.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:07:16

Yeah. So we. So what you just shared too, it's can the energy is contagious, right?

I mean, that's like one of the things That I feel, that I feel like we can't stress enough. Great leadership is about, it's how not, not to lead everybody. It's to lead the right people that understand your values and your energy.

Sifu Rafael: 00:07:43

Correct?

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:07:43

Right. So how do you bring that into your work?

Sifu Rafael: 00:07:52

I consider what you just said very important. I cannot have everybody follow because not everybody wants what I have to offer.

And that's, I'm okay with that because guess what, they have other things they need to look at for their own lives. But there are people who want to follow people who are hungry.

And if you are delivering the right message, the right idea, the right concept, then they're going to want to follow you. So every day when you look at the people who are following you, you even have to ask why? Why are they still following me? What am I doing?

And if they're still following me, I know that I can't give them the same lessons I gave them yesterday. I need to develop new things. So for me, creation is critical.

As a leader, we have to build and build and build so that we can continue to give them more. If we don't give them more, they're going to be bored. And they're going to be going, I heard this before, this is boring.

So we need to incentivize ourselves to continue to grow on a regular basis.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:09:19

Yeah, that's so true. Growth, education, learning, you know, never stop learning.

So, you know, our audience is people who are, I don't know why I just raised my hand, but I'm going to lower that. Kind of funny. So what I, you know, is there are leaders who want to be better leaders.

So, so if you could give anybody an insight what is like something that was so game changing for you, I mean, you've had a lot of great successes, you've got great businesses. So what would be an insight to share?

Sifu Rafael: 00:10:02

I think we have to remember our overall goal later on in life. If you could look back at what you've accomplished or didn't accomplish and then ask why?

Ask yourself, look into the future and say, would I be happy with what I'm doing today? Would the people that I'm leading be successful 30, 40 years from now because of what I've done or did I fail them?

So we need to kind of look into the future. Will I be happy with my actions today?

And that I, I think that if we can do something in, of that nature, of that caliber of looking way, way ahead, how can we become the best leader today? The other thing I would tell someone is it's not about you. A leader leads so that other people can become greater.

So we leave a legacy so that we create other leaders that can create our legacy to continue with the work we started or we will continue with the work we've already established.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:11:41

Right? That's so true. It's leading is. It is. It's about inspiring others. But you, as we started in the beginning, it's all about knowing who you are first.

Like you cannot.

And I think one of the things that you know, and we have this, I guess, you know, mutual love for this part about leadership, is that you have to know your own achievement codes. You have to know your values and my values and your values. If we're, we're opposed or we're different, that's okay.

If we're leading two different companies, we're going to hopefully attract different people because we may lead differently. But the key is, is that we know our values first and we know us first. Right? So, you know, in your, you know, as you're.

Because you work with a wide range of people.

So what do you see, like, in youth today in leadership that maybe either we could learn from or something that is like, huh, we need to make some changes because they're not grasping the leadership?

Sifu Rafael: 00:13:02

Great question, Jacqueline. I gotta tell you, I look at young people today and I see two possibilities.

One, I'm going to be floored by what they're going to accomplish because their thinking is so different. When I was young, they're thinking 30 steps ahead sometimes. And then there's the youth who are not thinking at all.

And they're allowing AI or socials to tell them how to think. So you have two groups of kids of youth who will represent us in the future.

One of the things that, because I do work with kids, I do work with adults, but one of the things that I tell parents on a regular basis is watch your children and engage them in the most productive learning they can do. Stop giving them a tablet as a babysitter unless you. You're giving them something that's going to challenge them.

And then I also tell them, your kids are my future. Let's nurture them. So I'm always saying that to the parents, let's nurture our children. Because they're not only my future, they're your future.

So we need to take these kids, kind of shake them up a little bit, and instead of just putting them on social media, put them on a platform that's going to teach them things, right?

Put them in a space where they're being challenged on a regular basis where the conversation at the dinner table is not like, hey, did you see so and so on social. Instead of what do you think about the concept or the idea that was brought up in business today or in science or mechanics or anything that's going.

Going to impact how are your teachers today helping you? So we need to have the conversation with our kids where we're making them our future big thinkers, right?

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:15:44

Make people thinkers.

So you just said a few things that I think are so key because it translates into business and corporations and, and entrepreneurship, which is, number one, is nurture. So whether we're nurturing our kids, our teens, we have to think of our employees or the people that are in our, our partnerships.

It's all about nurturing them and that we want to help level them up so that when the time comes for us to look back that legacy, we know that somebody's leading our charge or somebody's continuing on where we've built a company that I know that, that you know or you know that you can step away because you've, you've nurtured the people underneath you. And I think that's something that is so important because we don't do it enough.

We're always worried about us, ourselves, many times, like, how am I going to be? What can I do to get ahead? What can I do to get ahead? How am I going to get the race? Take yourself out of it. How can you nurture the people?

Because, trust me, you want to nurture the people that are in your fold or in your tribe so that you'll rise up and they'll rise up.

And it's the same thing with our kids and asking questions and getting off of social media and turning off the television or, you know, getting people to be busy or active in things that use their brain. Games are so amazing, right? Games, okay, like, you know, board games, Legos. I mean, you know, things like, I mean, we just.

I just had a conversation I should share with my son about school, classes. He's a junior. And he said to me, am I really ever going to need to use calculus and algebra?

And I said, I said, forget about whether you're going to use it. Think of it as a way of thinking. It's a process. I said, it's about how you think.

I said, out of all the math classes that you take, I think stats is probably the most important personally. Right. Everything's about statistics, but think about it as a way of thinking. You know, when I went to school, we all had.

Everybody came in as a freshman, had to take a particular computer class. And I'm like, why am I taking this computer class? It wasn't about the computer.

It was about the process of thinking and how you thought and how you built something. But that's all about nurturing and we want people to nurture. We want to nurture the people on our teams and to leave that, that legacy.

So I just think that is so important. It really, really is. So you are a. And it's something that we share. Obviously. Communication is a huge part of what you do.

Why do you think it's so important?

Sifu Rafael: 00:19:03

Well, we just talked about the youth and the way they communicate.

For example, one of my instructors was running a class and before the class started there was a bunch of kids in there and there's an 11 year old, he took control. 11. He took control. It's the way he communicated. This 11 year old has been in my communication courses at seven, at seven years old.

So I, I start him young at seven. We, I teach them communication courses, how to be a leader, all these different things.

And it was an organized, he organized how they should all play because there was a little before the class, I was like 20 minutes before the class. The room was, you know, available to them and they're all just running around and doing all things. He organized them all.

The way he spoke to them made them feel valued so that they didn't see him as. He's the boss, right? They saw him as he's giving me value, he's giving me ideas, concepts, how to structure this game we're going to play.

And he even set up rules at 11 years old.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:20:33

I love it.

Sifu Rafael: 00:20:35

The concept was he took control without anyone asking him to because he saw a need, right? So he's my future, right? But there was another kid in class who, his life has changed.

He's one of my instructors and he says he owes all his learning. He came to me, he wouldn't speak, he wouldn't do anything.

He's done all the communication courses that we've taught along the way and now he's, he takes control, he takes command, everybody follows him. He understands what needs to be done. So communication really impacts every aspect of our lives because guess what?

Their parents have come and said, my kids are phenomenal in school. They're doing great because of the courses they've taken with you. I have communication, just not just for kids, but I have adults.

The other day I was training stockbrokers and one of the stock brokers came to me three days later. And he goes, I cannot thank you enough.

We just closed a multi million dollar deal and we did it because of what you taught us and it was all based on communication. And he goes, we kind of knew it, but we didn't do it the way you told us to do it.

And when we followed your guide, it changed the way we do everything and it's going to change it moving forward. So communication touches our lives. When we go home and we're busy at work, maybe we're being stressed out. This is happening, that's happening.

And we come home and we bring that same energy home. And meanwhile our partner, our kids, they weren't there. They don't know what stress you, you, you went through.

You don't even know what stress they went through.

So if you come with the same concept of communication and bring it home, you're dumping all this nonsense on them and they may be dumping the same stuff on you instead of saying, hey, you know what, I need to change my level of communication now that I'm coming home.

On your drive home, on your walk into the door, when you hang up your keys, take your shoes off, whatever it is you do, you need to understand that this is no longer that level of communication. It needs to change for the people who are in front of you.

So therefore, even at public speaking, you can't just start talking to somebody on a concept and meanwhile about youth. Meanwhile they're in their 80s or 70s or 60s and they want to know about their level of communication, their level of expectancy, right?

So we need to understand that there's different levels of communication during our day. If I am talking to a five year old, I can't talk to them as I'm Talking to a 38 year old and vice versa.

I can't go over there and talk to somebody in their 40s and go, well, let me explain to you. No, it doesn't work, right? They're going to go, why are you treating me this way?

So we got to treat every level of communication according to who's in front of us.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:24:26

And that's, you know, I think that's so important.

I think what, what you also said with the 11 year old, which I think is also so important, is that in the communication it's making people feel heard and valued, which is, is so important. And a leader, you've all, we all hear this, A leader needs to not use this as much, but use these as much.

Use the, you know, you know, side holes, not the front holes. You Know, listen, listen, you know, listen more, speak less. Right? And you'll hear what people need. And that's so, it's so important.

And that, and because that will also allow the communication, if you're listening, how to communicate with them. It's so important. Leveraging that communication is so key.

So as we're, as we're talking sifu, what, what do you think are some of the next big challenges that you're facing in your business? You know, or.

Sifu Rafael: 00:25:50

And as a leader, I think what. One of the things that I've eliminated from my business, because it was a challenge and we spoke on it earlier, I cannot please everyone.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:26:07

Great.

Sifu Rafael: 00:26:10

So that's how I deal in business. I know that if you want a credenza, if I'm building your credenza or a kitchen, I can't build it the way I want to build it.

I got to build the way you envision it to be. I can give you my concepts and my ideas, but it's still. You're the one that's going to live with it. I'm not.

So when we consider business, when we consider the people in front of us, my challenge has always been, are they listening? Because if they're not listening, is what I'm saying what they want to hear. So consider who's in front of you.

Like we said earlier, those are the people. If they're still in front of you and you, and you're still talking and they're shaking their heads or they're agreeing or here's the concept.

Can I engage a 5 year old and a 38 year old and a 58 year old at the same time? I can, I can do that with communication. And I know I've done it because I have had.

When I do the, the, the youth workshops, if there's seven, anybody under 16, their parents have to take the workshop as well. I don't charge the parents. The parents get it for free.

So what winds up happening is while I'm communicating, the kids who really don't have a voice, I'll ask the parents what did they think of this? The concept, the idea, they'll communicate it.

And all of a sudden, their kids are looking at their parents for the first time and going, wow, my mom is smart, my dad's smart, my dad's got it. Yes. And then all of a sudden, it gives the kids the confidence to actually raise their hand and start to be part of the process.

So now I'm bringing everybody together so that they're sharing ideas, concepts, and one of the things I always let them know is that there is no wrong answer. There is no wrong statement. It's okay. And it's okay to make mistakes because who makes the most mistakes? This guy right here.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:29:02

But that's. It's a. It's a key lesson to learn and to be able to share that. First of all, being able to, you know, see somebody, speak up and give people that.

That confidence. But more importantly, knowing we can say it till we're blue in the face, that it's okay to make mistakes, right?

But we have to live it and breathe it, and people have to understand it so that we can bring.

People can be truthful because honesty is, I think, a part of it is being truthful and knowing that it's okay to be wrong or to make a mistake, because that's how we learn. Yeah, right.

Sifu Rafael: 00:29:53

Here's a lesson that I taught a kid who. He's a sore loser, and he was really good. He would win so often.

So I realized there's certain things he wasn't as good at, and I would make sure he participated in those. So he would learn to lose and he would cry. He would cry. Oh, yeah. Because he didn't. He didn't appreciate losing. And his dad would laugh, right?

And every time he would lose, I would say, hey, listen, your loss is somebody else's gain, so let's be happy for that. I said, because do you remember the last time you once.

Everybody was clapping for you, everybody was happy for you, so why don't we do the same when someone else wins? It took him a little while, but now he is the biggest advocate for someone else winning. But it takes time. We need to do that for ourselves.

When we notice that somebody maybe. Listen, if you're at a job and you don't get that promotion, you don't get that promotion. Leave the job. Leave it. Don't stay there. But if.

If you notice that somebody's a little better than you meant, clap, clap. Give them. Give them the, The. The honor that they. They succeeded and then try harder for yourself. Right? You need.

If you don't, if you're not challenged, you will never truly grow. It'll be a fake ladder you're climbing, right? Until you get to the real world. Even if you're in the real world, right.

You think you are until you get to the real world where people truly are very competitive. In the business world, you have to be competitive. You need to be challenged, or you will never know your true potential.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:32:04

That. That's very true. You have to know, you have to be challenged to know your true potential.

And you also, you know, on that is a good leader will help bring that out, right? Which is what you're doing.

It's like you're helping people achieve their best, showing them good, showing them the good, the bad and the ugly, which is really important. It's, it's important to teach people how to be humble and how to celebrate others.

And you know, what you shared is, I think it's also important to know if you're at a company and for some reason or another, you keep getting passed over for a promotion. That's where you also have to stop and say to yourself, okay, have I asked, have I figured out why am I doing something to learn? What can I do?

And if I really want it, I need to figure those things out.

And maybe in those conversations it might be that you realize there's not the right alignment or maybe you have been too selfish and you haven't looked and saying, oh, I need to learn something. And you look at like, oh, I, I just got passed over, right? Well, no, I got passed over. Why? What can I do ask, right? So that's really key.

And again, it's not always great to run from something, but you have to learn from it. And if you learn from it and you still don't get get it, then maybe it's time to go. Or maybe you're still not learning, right?

Sifu Rafael: 00:33:49

Sometimes we, we expect more than we're getting. And a client of mine, a client of mine was at a company for 16 years and he was never acknowledged this whole deal.

And eventually he had the courage to start putting his resume out there. He is so brilliant that he was hired by a company for what he wanted. He made more money and then they realized how brilliant he truly was.

And not only did he get promoted, he got a corner office, he had a staff underneath him.

And now he is being asked to travel to go and present his ideas and concepts to other parts of the country who are using this, this concepts that he's sharing because he was the one that brought new light to them, right? Meanwhile, the other company never saw that in him because they didn't give him the chance.

Had he still been at that company, he would have still been at the bottom, right? But he took a chance. It was a tough chance. He didn't want to.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:35:19

But that's such an important, I think that's a really key, important lesson for, for our listeners to understand. Everybody has potential and you. And if somebody, and I think It's.

It's the part of the leader like that other company missed out because they did not. Because the leadership there doesn't or did not recognize the potential of the people on their team. And that's something that we've talked about.

I feel like. It's one of the things that I feel like I talk about. I'm blue in the face.

Which is as a leader, you need to know your own vision and mission for your company or your team. And then you have to do something, which is something that we've been talking about.

Communicate with the people on your team and find out what they want, what's their mission, what's their dreams. Because you're going to find something. You're going to. You're going to find potential in people that.

And unpack things that you may not have ever realized unless you have that communication anyway. This has been so amazing, Sifu. How can people connect with you, learn about all of your programs, take your courses because.

Or get their kids in there because what you're doing is changing the world.

Sifu Rafael: 00:36:40

It's. I'm in a couple of easy places to find. If you go to LinkedIn, Sifu Rafael. Right. If you go to Facebook, Sifu Rafael

For Speaking Prowess. You go to www.Speakingprowess.com. The concept that I always believe in is enhancing communication worldwide one person at a time. That is my goal.

So my goal is to have a communication school in every state in the US and then go abroad to be able to enhance communication in India, Pakistan, in Switzerland, everywhere in the world. It doesn't matter the level of importance.

I'm sorry that people do put importance under your skill level, but we all can navigate so much higher if we can communicate better, if we can tell what we're looking for, if people can understand us better.

So whether you're a janitor or the CEO, if somebody puts a microphone in your face, you should be able to speak well on the benefits of the company or what the company stands for.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:38:04

It's so important, Sifu, you and I could talk for hours. I love. I love communicating with you. All of this will be in the show notes. So. So thank you so much for being guest.

This is the unstoppable Leadership Spotlight podcast. If you have enjoyed this, please, please, please hit subscribe and also share this with your friends, your co workers.

Because our goal is to create great leaders one leader at a time, one leader at a time. And please check out all of Sifu's socials and connect with him.

And I said as I said, this is Jacqueline Stromager, your high performance coach and the host of Unstoppable Leadership Spotlight. Thank you for listening and thank you for being a guest.