Transforming Leadership: Insights from Yossi Kossowsky

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:00:59

Well, hello everybody and welcome to another amazing episode of the Unstoppable Leadership Spotlight podcast. On this podcast we hear from amazing leaders and their game changing insights.

The goal is to help leaders become better leaders, which if we have better leaders, we've got better people in the universe. So I am Jaclyn Strominger, your host and today we have an amazing guest, Yossi Kossowsky

And he has a wealth of knowledge and great experience with over 17 years in the coaching field.

Combined with executive and leadership roles such as Chief Technology Officer and Senior Director of talent management, Yosi offers more than 30 years of rich multinational corporation experience, which is so important. Having made the transition from technologist deeply enriched in data and logic to an executive and leadership coach with focus on human development.

His diverse background provides keen insight into challenges that so many leaders face today. So welcome to the Unstoppable Leadership Spotlight podcast. So tell me, I mean, first and foremost, yeah, technology to coaching.

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:02:24

Technology to coaching. So it was a funny day.

wasn't just a day, but I mid: 2000

What, what, what am I missing? What don't I understand?

And I, I knew concepts like be a good listener, have, have patience, you know, bring people along on, on, on your, on your journey as you do things. And I, I understood these and I'm like, okay, yeah, sure, you just do these things. What I discovered is, no, you don't just do these things.

You have to actually learn. And, and what I discovered then was you actually have to learn about yourself first.

So I had already been looking into the alternative world for, for, for some health issues and a number of people pointed me in the direction of something called emotional wellness therapy. And as I embarked on that journey, I started learning a lot about emotions and feelings and how I had been really disconnected from them.

And then I started learning about where they're coming from and triggers and limiting beliefs and the role of that and they become derailers and then perception and how perception then kind of shapes how we understand the world, which, then how we make sense of the world and then how we think about how to respond to the world and how we respond to the world.

And so as I was going through this learning, you know, almost a, a kind of like dropping off of the, the, the, the shells of my life versus adding on. It was like kind of like erasing.

I got really interested in the hardware of the humans and I said, okay, I want to understand more about what is these chemicals that they keep on talking about the dopamine and the serotonin and the cor. And then I'm like, well also, you know, people talk about neuroplast, neuroplasticity. What is that? How does that happen?

And then lastly, it became really evident to me in the way that I was processing all of this, that it's weird that we have almost like two parts of our brain, this emotional part and this thinking part. And why are they separate in the one brain?

So I delved into neuroscience, signed up for a couple of neuroscience courses and then found a neuroscience therapy, work training. And I learned answers to all of those questions.

hat together, I walked out of: 2010

And they're like, yeah, but there's also this thing called leadership coaching. And I'm like, oh, okay.

that. And I finished that in: 2012

And then a year and a half later, the company I was in, it was a smaller 5,000 person company focused on broadcast technologies, got acquired by Cisco and, and that just opened up a whole new realm. So we all of a sudden went from a 5,000 person company to being part of a 77,000 person company. And that was quite a big change for every everybody.

And I decided to take a leap of faith and offer coaching to the leaders in the company that I was in. And that had a really positive impact within a really short period of time.

And then started offering programs to the employees on helping them make this transition into the bigger company. And very quickly I got asked to do this at all acquisition sites. And I found myself on the road out of the U.S. so U.S.

east and West, Canada, England, France, Israel, India, Hong Kong, China and Malaysia.

And, and I'm like, okay, so now I'm learning about culture and gender and generation and all on all of these things on communication and awareness and how we make sense of everything. And.

And I then spent Essentially the next five years in different functions of Cisco, working with leaders and teams and doing a lot of change management, really focusing on the human side of change and really helping people go through these struggles, how to become effective as a. As a person, as a leader, as a team, across cultures. So that was the transition of engineer.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:07:42

To coach, technology to. Right. That's huge. So we talked before the podcast started, and one of the key big takeaways that we shared that you want people to really know.

And I think this is a huge message and listeners really, like, take the note on this, which is get more curious. And that's what you did. Like, right from the get go, you got curious about being a better leader. Like, how do I become a better leader?

How do I, like, learn about this? It's not something that you, you know, it's not like somebody sits you down one day.

And as many times as we can tell, you know, you don't just become a manager out of the womb. Or as I. I don't like the word manager. Leader out of the room, out of the womb. Like, oh, hit my right.

You know, like, I, I was just saying to somebody the other day, there are two words that have to go away from corporate. One of them is manager, and the other one is employee. It's leader. And team members are partners.

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:08:52

Okay.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:08:53

Like, no employees. Like, and no, no managers. Man. Whenever I think of the word manager, I actually think of like, you know, someone who's managing a flock of sheep.

Okay, I know that's a shepherd, but he's like, managing it. I don't know.

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:09:09

Right. Yeah. And. And I think that they are significantly different roles.

When I talk to people about what does it mean to manage, like, managing a process, making sure the boxes are being ticked. And. And a leader is those who are inspiring, those who are guiding, those who are influencing, those who are supporting and helping and all of that.

And. And so I think that in the. In any working space, there's probably need for both roles. However, it is also an interesting human dynamic.

And I think that as far as recorded history shows, we've always had power dynamics. And so I'm not so surprised that we've replicated them in our, in our working world as well.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:10:05

Right, Right. So. So y. Tell me, you know, you've made this huge change and you. And you're. You're coaching people now. You know, what do you see right now?

Because, you know, there's some.

Everything that's going on in the world, but what do you see, you know, as a Coach and working with, you know, multinational, you know, individuals and cultures and people in different environments. Like what, what is the, like the one thing that we need to be more aware of or that will help leaders be better leaders.

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:10:48

So the one thing that I'm finding in some fashion, pretty much everywhere I go, is an increased feeling of the loss of agency. And also I discovered that that word doesn't play out the same way outside of the U.S. so the loss of having choice in what's happening around us.

And I'm finding that people are feeling that life is happening to us and we are almost victims of circumstances.

And, you know, whether it's playing out, because the different geopolitical things that are happening, whether it's, you know, the tariffs, things that are happening, the impact of, of the change in the U.S. government, it's, its impact just keeps on rippling. And people that I'm, leaders that I'm working with are like, I have, I don't have control.

Like, I can't keep up with essentially what I cannot control.

And so I mentioned to you this idea of curiosity because talking to people, whether it's about thinking about your locus of control and resetting your idea of locus of control or using the Steven Covey model of circle of control, wasn't really helping people make a shift, going a little deeper of the fundamental idea of what if the stories I'm telling myself, what if the way I'm perceiving this situation was wrong, was incorrect in some way?

What if, what then would be possible if everything that you're saying wasn't 100% accurate, was in some way just your perception of it, your view of it, your take of it? What if other people who are in this environment don't feel you. How you do? Does that mean that it's.

There's a possibility that there's another way to see the situation? And that requires a willingness to. Not easy, but to let go of the reality that we are currently perceiving.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:13:25

It's a key thing right there. It's perception, too. It's the story that we tell ourselves.

And a lot of times we ask ourselves, is that, is it the true, Is it true or is it the truth? True versus truth.

And, and we need to know and what the, what between the two of those and perception, reality, or the story that we tell ourselves has such a huge impact.

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:13:48

Right. You know, huge.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:13:49

Good. Right. Like, you know, I can tell myself, I can tell myself the, you know, the sky is falling, or I can tell myself the sky is blue. And Pretty right.

It's. And what we say. So what are you doing to help more of the leaders craft the right story for themselves?

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:14:14

So I don't. So I like how you're saying that. Right. The right story for themselves. And, and that's a.

Definitely a big part of it which is to say to them don't, don't necessarily get caught up in everybody else's story. And I, I have really come to struggle with the media because I feel that it is no longer news, but it is opinion.

Opinion with an intention and a focus to influence in a very specific way depending on which media outlet it is. And it's no longer sharing just the facts. It's sharing limited facts or facts that support the story I want to tell.

And we're not just doing it in the media. We've started to do it everywhere. And what if again, I looked at observable reality? Observable reality. I see that this has happened.

Don't assign a meaning to it. Don't assign a story to it. Just look at observable reality. This is happening. It is 85 degrees today. Not. Why is it 85 degrees now?

What am I going to do about it? Just that what becomes possible if we don't do the add on.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:15:54

Right. You know, and that's so true.

And it's, and it's so important I think as a leader because this is where, you know, when we're thinking about this, it's, and, and in going back to where we were talking about even being more curious, it's getting caught up in what's happening on the outside because you cannot necessarily change, you cannot change what's happening. You can only have an impact on what you can actually have an influence on. Right.

So one of the things that I think is so important is for our leaders, as you were saying earlier, is to find out and be curious with the people that are around them because that is going to have an impact on performance of the company. And if the leader is feeling good, bad or ugly. Right. You know, because of what's happening outside. Right. They have to then almost say to the.

It's almost like being able to say to the team, you know what I'm feeling the good, the bad and the ugly from the outside.

Let's just focus on the things that we can control and almost like bringing people back in and like learning how to shut out those, those, those, the outside. So are there tools that you help or give leaders to help them channel it back in?

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:17:23

Yes. So I've kind of like, created a guide of curiosity.

And, and, and the, the idea is, when I hear something, I, I ask everyone to ask yourselves the what if, what if I'm misunderstanding it? What if I don't know what that really means? So the first is, what if, what if I don't. The second is when.

And so let's, let's take that is a broader sense. I'm hearing news, I'm hearing something from somebody else, you know, and so what if my interpretation isn't accurate?

What if, you know, more focused is them and the people they're. That they're working with. And very often, again, what happens is someone will say, you know, Jaclyn, I can't believe. Why did you do what you did?

Why did you make that decision? Why did you do that? And, and when someone comes to you with that, what is your general way of responding?

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:18:41

If somebody comes up to me, like, why did you do it? That you're going to have that feeling of. It's, it's. You're taking, you know, you, like, become defensive. Right, right.

And so, and it's so interesting how you're saying that too, because part of my head is that one of the biggest things about leadership, too, is how we say things. That language that we're using.

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:19:03

Right. So it is, right. It is that how we say it versus what we want to say.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:19:08

Yeah.

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:19:09

And so the next tool is if is your first response as a person, leader or follower, or, you know, team member, crew member, is respond with a question that begins with one of four starters. What, How? Tell me more or help me understand. So I can't believe, Jaclyn, why, why you make that decision?

Your answer has to start with either what you'll see or how.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:19:48

Right? What? Tell me what do you mean? Or tell me more. Yosi. Tell me more about how you're feeling about the decision.

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:19:59

And automatically it will shift the energy of that conversation. It will require the person who's started the conversation to think deeper and have to give more explanation.

It will allow the listener to recognize whether they misunderstood what they thought was being asked in the first place.

It'll give them time to take a breath, gather their thoughts, let down a little bit of that reactive energy that you mentioned, and it completely shifts the conversation that could have gone into conflict into something deeper. And so that's the biggest tool, technique, hack that I ask leaders to practice now is answer whatever the start is with what, How?

Tell me more or help me understand and avoid the why word. Avoid asking why are you asking why do you think that Avoid why?

Because for some people the word why is very triggering and often the answer to why is because as our children have all taught us so.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:21:16

Because I said so.

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:21:18

Exactly.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:21:20

Yeah, it's so listeners, I really want you to hear that, like really listen. This is one of the best.

It's such a game changing insight and tip is that when somebody asks you a question or comes, you know, comes at you with something, come back with a question, it really helps deflect, you know what, how? Tell me more. Help me understand it. And, and if you notice too, I think I love these because it, it's asking the person who's bringing that on.

It's ask. You're asking them to literally help you. It's, it brings it back to like, I need to understand more.

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:22:11

Right.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:22:12

And it really does get rid of. And it really, you know, it's that, that conflict that's like, oh, oh.

They're asking me like, it's almost like getting my opinion, like, tell me, tell me more why you're thinking, wasn't that a great. Tell me why it's not a great decision in your eyes. So you're really looking at it, at it from a different lens, which is really great.

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:22:38

Yes.

And you know, it's interesting because it seems that many, many, many leaders that I'm coaching automatically go into answer mode and it's kind of answer defense mode. You know, I did it because this was my thought, this was my reasoning, right. And I'm like, stop, just work on. And it is, it's a habit.

It's a, you know, it's a habit forming thing to work into this space. And, and I, you know, anybody who's read any book on any habit, you know, there's been a lot of great books about habits.

It's something that needs practice.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:23:22

Yeah, yeah.

You know, Yosi, as you're talking and you're sharing this, you know, a couple other really big things are coming in is that it's that we need to be curious as we've been sharing. You need to be curious and ask those questions. But the other part of this is, and I think this is the other thing with leaders.

And, and I can tell you first and foremost, when I was in the corporate setting, I did this and I had, wish I had, which I knew what I knew now then. Right. But it's when we ask the questions, it helps also take us, makes us more real, number one.

And it reminds us that if we ever had any of that impostor syndrome. Right. Because that's half of what? What? That. That fear of I've done something wrong and they don't approve of me. Right, right. There's that trigger.

So it helps to almost like combat that trigger.

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:24:27

Sure.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:24:28

Right. And say, oh, you know what? I might be the leader, but hey, it's my team. Doesn't matter where the decision came from. Really doesn't. And it doesn't.

And there's no pointing finger. It's just like. But it. It immediately helps people. It helps create that team environment and that partnership. Tell me more about what you're thinking.

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:24:52

Right. And it's. There's. I mean, honestly, I could probably spend an hour with you on. On.

On the number of precursors that get us to this place to begin with, which all still come back to a lack of curiosity. And a lack of curiosity. We take something, we interpret it, and we go with it. And we rarely stop to say, what am I missing?

What else don't I understand here? Right. We just go on the attack because we want to get it solved, or we can't believe that the other person did something.

And this just kind of slows the whole thing down, creates a pause and allows us to really. As an engineer, I'm always like, what's the root cause? Help us get deeper to what we're actually trying to solve for.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:25:42

Right. Pause and reflect versus react.

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:25:47

Right. And again, easy to say. Right? Easy to say. Beware to all the listeners. It takes practice. It takes practice.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:26:01

No, it really does. So, Yosi, I could talk to you forever and keep talking because it's so easy to connect with you and talk.

But what I really want to know is who are the people that you're really looking to connect with? Number one, and answer that question first. I know not. We should never.

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:26:20

So I'm really looking to connect to corporate leaders. And the reason that I really like to connect with corporate leaders is because it is in this environment where we are feeling.

We're always juggling our true selves and our work Personas. And that was this whole uncovering I had to go through of who I am. What does that mean? Who am I at home? Who am I at work?

And the more that I could come to a clarity of space inside of me, then the better equipped I was to be better as a person, as a leader, et cetera. So really, corporate leaders, I'm open and I work with people from first line manager to the C suite. We're all human.

And I love all of the different challenges that show up at the different spaces in different levels yeah.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:27:20

So how can people connect with you and get more of your insight and work with you?

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:27:28

So the answer is LinkedIn. And people are like, why don't you have a website?

I'm like, because that would actually take a whole bunch of other effort away from doing what I love to do. And so right now, LinkedIn is the best space. You find me there. There's even a little button to book a call with me or connect with me on LinkedIn.

And that is really where asking people to go to make that connection right now.

Jaclyn Strominger: 00:27:52

That is really fantastic. Okay, so leaders, listeners, Yossi is amazing and his knowledge and all the things that he has studied, he brings so much to the table.

You really want to book a call and connect with him. So I'm going to put the link to his LinkedIn in the show notes, but just go to go to LinkedIn and look, look him up.

So how can you best also connect with him? You can hit subscribe to this podcast and you'll make sure that you'll get that, get that information.

And if you have gotten any bit of information, tidbits, wealth of knowledge, even if it is a little bit of an aha, please again hit subscribe and also share this with your friends and other colleagues. Great leaders make great people, and great people make a great society.

And if we can turn and make a great society, we are going to change the world one leader, one person at a time. So thank you all for listening. I'm Jaclyn Stranger, your host of the Unstoppable Leadership Spotlight podcast.

And thank you, Yosi, for being an amazing guest.

Yossi Kossowsky: 00:29:05

Thank you.